Today the Mighty A’s play their biggest game of the year. Down 2-0 in the ALCS against the hated Rustbelt Tiggers, the Green and Gold need a win to nullify the Tigger advantage and raise hopes of turning the series around. Crafty Kenny Rogers is pitching for the freedom-hating pussy cats, but Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood is lashed with snow, sleet, hail, freezing rain, and hurricane-force winds. The forces of Sweetness and Light send eskimo Rich Harden to the mound, where his blazing fastball should be able to melt the snow.
Big Hurt Frank Thomas, Medium Hurt Nick Swisher, and Little Hurt Marco Scutaro need to rise to the occasion or all will be lost, as the nation’s greatest ballplayer, the mighty Milton Bradley, can only carry about half a team on his shoulders at any given time.
Dig deep, men, and triumph.