Has anybody shared the Good News with you?
Washington D.C. — Today, Christian Coalition of America announced its support for the effort to amend pending telecom legislation in Congress in order to prevent the large phone and cable companies from discriminating against web sites.
Roberta Combs, the President of Christian Coalition of America did not say: “God created the Innernets right after he done separated the light from the darkness so’s Adam could find Eve’s MySpace page and get the ball a-rolling. The minions of Satan are presently seeking to tear the Innernets asunder from its best-effort packet delivery and pervert it with multiple service levels. If one level was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for sinners like me and you.
The Innernets is a Intelligent Design designed by the Designer and the instrument that leads us to the Rapture, and they can’t be no messin’ with it. Satan’s phone companies, the people who brought us all those “Prince Albert in a can” calls, say the Innernets has to change, to grow, and to improve. That sounds like Darwinism to us, and we’re agin’ it. We don’t want no monkey business just like we don’t want no dancing and no drinking of the wine. If Jesus wanted us to do that sort of thing, he would have done it hisself. Hmmm, where was I? Hey, gimme that snake to handle.
Right, we’re right proud to join up with that there scrawny vegetarian, Moby, ’cause of Jonah and that, and the witch-girl from the WB and all the heathern homosexual agendists to give Lucifer’s phone company a big ole fashioned country ass-whoopin’. (Why do you think they call it “Lucent” anyhow?) Let no man say we’re not as “hip” as all them heatherns. Hallelujah!”
After issuing this statement, Mrs. Combs promptly went for a dip in the cement pond with the Clampetts and then headed off to Wal*Mart for a case of mayonnaise and some white bread to go with her baloney.