Christian Coalition wants some of that ole time Innernet

Has anybody shared the Good News with you?

Washington D.C. — Today, Christian Coalition of America announced its support for the effort to amend pending telecom legislation in Congress in order to prevent the large phone and cable companies from discriminating against web sites.

Roberta Combs, the President of Christian Coalition of America did not say: “God created the Innernets right after he done separated the light from the darkness so’s Adam could find Eve’s MySpace page and get the ball a-rolling. The minions of Satan are presently seeking to tear the Innernets asunder from its best-effort packet delivery and pervert it with multiple service levels. If one level was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for sinners like me and you.

The Innernets is a Intelligent Design designed by the Designer and the instrument that leads us to the Rapture, and they can’t be no messin’ with it. Satan’s phone companies, the people who brought us all those “Prince Albert in a can” calls, say the Innernets has to change, to grow, and to improve. That sounds like Darwinism to us, and we’re agin’ it. We don’t want no monkey business just like we don’t want no dancing and no drinking of the wine. If Jesus wanted us to do that sort of thing, he would have done it hisself. Hmmm, where was I? Hey, gimme that snake to handle.

Right, we’re right proud to join up with that there scrawny vegetarian, Moby, ’cause of Jonah and that, and the witch-girl from the WB and all the heathern homosexual agendists to give Lucifer’s phone company a big ole fashioned country ass-whoopin’. (Why do you think they call it “Lucent” anyhow?) Let no man say we’re not as “hip” as all them heatherns. Hallelujah!”

After issuing this statement, Mrs. Combs promptly went for a dip in the cement pond with the Clampetts and then headed off to Wal*Mart for a case of mayonnaise and some white bread to go with her baloney.

10 thoughts on “Christian Coalition wants some of that ole time Innernet”

  1. This NN has really twisted my head and I think this may be the funniest posting I have read since the Democrats and made it such an issue, so THANKS! With CCA joining, now everybody has got be shaking their head, saying, ‘huh?’ There is something just not right about and CCA getting in bed on this issue. That alone tells me this issue is not even ready to be discussed!

  2. Good stuff. If the Christian Coalition is so concerned about certain political content being blocked, why are they interested in having the government regulate the Internet? once the government gets involved, we can kiss any notion of “neutrality” good bye. This is a prime example of a misinformed group adding to the misinformation campaign surrounding an issue.

  3. everywhere

    How right you are! The threat to content on the Internet doesn’t come from the ISPs. Right now the government may be content to just get their hands on how the Internet is run, but once they have control of that, how long before they want to regulate what each site does, posts, promotes, or explains.

    I wonder how supportive Google and Microsoft will be of Internet Neutrality when they’re the ones on the chopping block?

  4. For me, anytime the CCA gets involved with an issue, I automatically raise a red flag. With this, this post (which is pretty hilarious) doesn’t miss the mark by too much. It seems like political favors are being called in to align on this issue when, for me, it’s a real non-issue. Put regulations on the internet when and if there’s ever an _actual_ reason for doing it, not because of possible abuses in the _future_ and because Moby says so.

  5. Holy crap. Blogs re: NN don’t have me laughing out loud that often. “Gimme that snake to handle”…*snort*

  6. As a Christian, I can not even imagine this actually coming out of someone’s mouth – much less the associations’s representative. Please know, we are not all like this. I am against net neutrality and feel the government has no place in regulating the internet, under any circumstance.

  7. Amusing post. I usually find myself at odds with the CCA, and this is no exception. Just as I don’t care what REM has to say on this issue, I don’t care about the CCA, that is unless they have recently become experts on tiered access or differentiated service, which I doubt.

  8. The CCA wants to protect websites from the evil telecommunication companies. Yeah right. This is probably all about the CCA having the ear of the government so they can block websites they don’t agree with. This is not even an issue that should be debated, they are demanding legislation for things that haven’t even happened yet.

  9. Are you SURE she didn’t actually say that? Sounds about right to me – if everybody would just stick to what they do best (the CCA to promoting Christian principles and Moby to selling his songs out to the highest commercial bidder) we’d be better off in this debate. As it is, I’m having a hard time sympathizing with any group that comes out in favor of net neutrality, and the CCA jumping on board sure isn’t going to change that. By the way…what’s Eve’s MySpace url?

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